I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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