i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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