Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So squirting runs in the family.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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