Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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