I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
