chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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