I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
