Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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