So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Why did my mother make you get naked?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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