I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
