8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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