I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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