I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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