When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
