i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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