yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
