Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
