It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
