I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
