you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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