Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
