so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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