do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
