so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
