So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It all started with a game of naked twister.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
