Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
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