At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
