I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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