So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
