a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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