Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
