I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
