Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
