I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
