i would punch a child for taco bell
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
