Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
