So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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