Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
