Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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