As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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