I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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