We're facebook friends in real life
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
