ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
