She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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