is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
