He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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