he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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