she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
