Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
