Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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