That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
