You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
