I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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