We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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