Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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