We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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