I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
