I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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