I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize