she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
