she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
