Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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