i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
