You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
