Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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