I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize