So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
