Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We left the knife in your bed.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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