hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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