it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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