how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
