so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
